Grading the Baby After One Month

I’ve been a father of three for about a month now. There were a lot of unknowns going into number three: What’s life going to be like with a third kid? Do I remember anything about babies? What vehicle are we going to buy? Daycare. When can I start buying hockey equipment? You know, the […]

I’ve Got Beef With the Tooth Fairy

Yesterday, sometime in the afternoon, the middle child stopped with a gasp. The missus had a look of shock on her face. I went over to look: he had blood on his lip and a hole in his mouth. “I lost my tooth.” Sure enough, there’s his tooth in is hand. It wasn’t really that […]

I Would Do Anything for Love

Including using this thing. Have you ever wanted a device to suck the snot out of someone’s nose? Then boy do I have the product for you. I know what you’re thinking, there must be more to this thing. There is not. You stick one end in the baby’s nose. You stick the other end […]

I Can Sleep Like a Normal Person Again

About two or three or four nights ago (who can keep track anymore) I once again stumbled into bed after falling asleep on the couch. If you live with me, you know this isn’t that odd of an occurrence. On this night, however, I was for some reason pinned into place by our blanket. I’m […]

This Post Isn’t About Me

I’m not a hero. I mean OK, sure, I haven’t run in over a year. I still can’t walk up the stairs without getting winded from the pneumonia I had five months ago. I put a crib together today. But my boys are in a youth track club, and today was the mile. And you […]

True Growth as a Father

The other day I had an epiphany: soon I won’t have to rely solely on dad jokes. I can now add Father of the Bride quotes to the repertoire (unironically). I’m very excited. Here are some examples of the things you can come to expect from me for the rest of my life. “For two […]

I’m a father with three kids

LeBron James said that one time. Actually it was twice. He also said he prefers that people don’t use disrespectful words towards him due to that fact. We have these things in common. Here’s a comprehensive list of things LeBron James and I have in common: three kids two sons and one daughter shouldn’t be […]