Grading the Baby After One Month

I’ve been a father of three for about a month now. There were a lot of unknowns going into number three: What’s life going to be like with a third kid? Do I remember anything about babies? What vehicle are we going to buy? Daycare. When can I start buying hockey equipment? You know, the usual stuff.

It turns out you end up kind of worrying about stuff that doesn’t really matter. You figure things out. You live your new life. And it’s been pretty wonderful. Baby girl has fit right in. The boys have been great with their baby sister. Mom’s been awesome. Dad’s been OK.

Since she’s been around for a little bit now, I figured it’s high time we grade her performance a month into the season. There have been some great things obviously, but there is certainly room for improvement. However, we need to keep in mind that she’s just a baby, and will be judged accordingly. An objective look at the baby:

Pro
-has the strength of 10 babies

Con
-not very coordinated

Pro
-can stand up when being held

Con
-can’t stand up when not being held, can’t walk

Pro
-luxurious hair like her father

Con
-none

Pro
-she is awake more often

Con
-who knows when the hell that’s going to be; doesn’t do shit but fill her diaper

Pro
-makes more sounds

Con
-mostly unintelligible gibberish; sometimes in the form of cries or screams

Pro
-has handled the chaos of her brothers quite well

Con
-I have not

Pro
-good at snuggling

Con
-constant need for attention

Pro
-good eater

Con
-picky eater; unwilling to try new things

Pro
-detail oriented

Con
-can discern between me standing or sitting while holding her and has a different preference than I do

Pro
-cute

Con
-none

As you can see, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. It can be pretty tough out here in these parenting streets. But when you analyze these facts in a fair, objective way, it’s clear she’s better than other babies. Early results indicate top 3 baby of all-time.

First Month Grade: A+

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