10. Frosty the Snowman
-too cold
9. Drake
-only loves his bed and his momma
8. a shepherd
-prevent me from counting sheep, somehow, I don’t know, it made more sense at 2am
7. Human torch
-too hot
6. Beastie Boys
-no sleep till Brooklyn
5. The Narrator/Tyler Durden from Fight Club
-too chaotic
4. Annie Wilkes from Misery
-too torturey
3. Freddy Krueger
-too murdery
2. someone other than my wife
-nah honey I’m good
1. my son
-sleeping with him is like being in a Give Yourself Goosebumps book except he has total control; it’s brutal