Here Are Some Songs That Shouldn’t Be in Kid’s Movies but Are Anyway

Pixar’s latest flick, Luca, is coming out next week. It looks to be another lovely movie for the whole family. A beautiful coming-of-age tale about friendship or something. Cool story bro.

What about the proliferation of adult themes in these movies? Death/murder. Whether or not living cars have organs. Characters named Lord Farquaad. You can find countless stories online about the number one taboo subject; doing it. “LOL, I can’t believe they got away with putting THIS in a children’s movie. It’s a dick joke LMFAO!”

Yeah but what about the songs? That’s where the memories come from. Nobody was quoting Hans after Frozen came out, but you may have heard a little jingle called “Let It Go.” So let’s examine a few songs that probably shouldn’t be in these movies.

Rio 2 – Low

“Low” is an absolute banger. Flo Rida and and T-Pain are magic together. Not sure it belongs in a film aimed at the youth.

I ain’t never seen nothin’ that’ll make me go
This crazy all night spendin’ my dough
Had a million dollar vibe and a bottle to go
Them birthday cakes they stole the show
So sexual, she was flexible, professional, drinkin’ X and O
Hold up, wait a minute, do I see what I think? I, whoa

It doesn’t really get less provocative from there.

Snow White – Heigh-Ho

I realize this song is from a by-gone era. But what are we touching the children when we have 7 grown men running around yelling “Hi ho!!!!” everyday? I mean I guess it worked, they got a a princess to live with them. You know what I’m saying though.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse – Sunflower

Some might argue this isn’t a “kid’s” movie per se, but yeah, it is. So what about the song? It’s a beautiful ode to the persistence of love.

Some things you just can’t refuse
She wanna ride me like a cruise
And I’m not tryna lose

I’ve been on a cruise. I don’t think Swae Lee is talking about magic shows, knock-off handbags, and unlimited food from the lido deck. I think he’s talking about sex.

Wreck-It Ralph – Shut Up and Drive

Listen to this song one time. I don’t know that you could even say the lyrics are metaphorical. They’re about as subtle as a kick to the groin. More enjoyable though.

Trolls 2 – Get Back Up Again

This song just sucks and shouldn’t exist.

At the end of the day, this doesn’t even bother me. I think Rihanna can teach us all a lot about life. And if she can teach my boys where their sister came from, more power to her.

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