The other day I had an epiphany: soon I won’t have to rely solely on dad jokes. I can now add Father of the Bride quotes to the repertoire (unironically). I’m very excited. Here are some examples of the things you can come to expect from me for the rest of my life.

“For two hundred and fifty bucks you can see Cameron after the wedding.” -George Banks

“No Franck. Tell Hanck it’s not okay. If I have to move out all the furniture and add amps and repaint the walls and get a new tux and pay for swans, then I’d like the cheaper chicken. Is that clear?” -George Banks

“I’ll tell you what I’m doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don’t need. So I am removing the superfluous buns. Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for everything they don’t need rather than make a stink. Well they’re not ripping of this nitwit anymore because I’m not paying for one more thing I don’t need. George Banks is saying NO!” -George Banks

“This is ridiculous!” -George Banks

“He’s an independent communications consultant.” -Annie Banks
“Independent?” -George Banks
“Yes.” -Annie Banks
“That’s code for unemployed!” -George Banks

Weiner company and chipper cheaper chicken are all-time quotes, but this is the one I anticipate busting out quite frequently.

“Nina. Annie’s much too spirited for this kid. He’s totally wrong for her. I give it two months, tops. One month.” -George Banks

Classic stuff. I don’t want anyone to panic though, I will continue to tell dad jokes as well.