Foolproof Approach to Declining Birth Rate

As I was perusing Twitter this morning, I stumbled upon on this heartwarming piece.

In China, where the birth rate is plummeting, *they are now letting families have three kids instead of two. In America, where the birth rate is also plummeting, I’m supposed to perform some thought exercise.

For the sake of this blog I’m simply going to ignore the fact the author doesn’t actually talk about this idea whatsoever in his article. All I’m going to say is HUH?!?!?

Imagine being around the dinner table.

“Hey kids, how was your day?”


“What was good about it?”


“Did you learn anything today?”

“I don’t know.”

“Dope. And how about you my love, how was your day?”

“Not great.”

“Oh really? I’m sorry, what’s going on?”

“I’ve just been thinking about all of these people that don’t exist.”

“Oh. Alright. What’s on your mind?”

“They don’t exist.”

OK now that I type it out I get it. Pretty tough stuff. I guess we’ll just have to keep on having kids. Let me check with my wife quick.

As an aside, this prompt I got on Bloomberg’s website was laugh out loud funny.

I’m not good at math anymore, but that’s like a 94.29% price drop. What a steal.

*This actually annoyed me. Not because the government controls how many kids they can have or anything like that. No. Because when I was a kid one of my favorite facts was you could only have one kid if you lived in China. And then BAM, it disappears like smoke.

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