If there’s one thing I hate (there are many things I hate), it’s shitty drivers. I’m certainly not perfect, but if I’m moving forward, I feel pretty good about my abilities. 90% of the other people on the roadways, however, have a real problem. Here’s a non-comprehensive list of shit I hate:

• not using your blinker
• staying in the left lane for no god damn reason when you’re slower than anyone else
• not turning on a green arrow
• when I’m on the on-ramp and you don’t move over even though no one is in the left lane
• not driving at least the speed limit
• riding my ass
• not understanding how to drive with snow on the road even though you live in Wisconsin

And many more. I’m not a road rage kind of guy, but I will yell loudly in my car when you don’t use your gas pedal. Over the years I’ve had ideas on how to fix these problems. And then the other day it dawned on me; I could just put them together and make a better utopia.

First, we need an app or a website where we can report shitty drivers. You get their license plate and their infraction, and enter it into the database. I never really knew what the next step was. Somehow funneling it to the authorities? Shame? Yeah, shame. But combining it with my second idea is much, much better.

Twisted Metal.

That’s right. Rockets and shit and blowing people into the stratosphere. I’ve long believed this should be our reality. Let’s say you get like five infractions in a year, but if you go six months in a row with nothing, you reset to zero. If you get to the five though…

I don’t know, I haven’t put much thought into this. Just spitballing here.

For anyone that may not know what Twisted Metal is.