All Hail our Internet Overlords

It’s Friday, early afternoon. The sky overcast, the air crisp. But I didn’t truly feel a chill until I received the text from my wife.

A truly terrifying reality. Fortunately I went to school for Network Administration and was able to pass along my knowledge in a clear, concise manner.

Internet runs my life. Pretty much literally and figuratively. I stream everything. I have smart devices littered throughout my home: lights, speakers, thermostats, et cetera et cetera. Oh and my wife works from home. So when my sage advice failed to rectify the situation, we got problems. Big problems.

I am well aware of my reliance on technology and the internet, but I don’t care. This shit is sweet. But holy hell, actually being without it and having to interact with humans? No thanks. Time to troubleshoot.

Essentially I need to figure out if the problem is with my router or modem. I assumed the router, so I reset that thing like five times. To no avail obviously, otherwise you’d never hear my tale. So modem then? I reset that. Nothing. I unplugged it all again for good measure. Nada.

Maybe it’s not the internet per se, but just the actual wireless signal. I plugged my wife’s laptop into the modem to see if that worked. “Connected.” Bingo bango, I fired up my phone and ordered a new router so I could pick it up the next day.

In between hockey games for the youth, I swung by my local electronics giant and picked up the new router. I headed home and set up my new spaceship disguised as a router in no time. I am a professional. Amazingly, it still didn’t work. As I stared blankly at my computer in a fit of rage, I noticed that my stupid dumb dumb modem was just restarting on it’s own. OK, maybe you are the culprit. Fired up the phone, ordered a modem. Back to the store.

I got everything home and set up. New router, new modem. And finally, after a painful 24+ hours, we had internet again. I was pleased, but realistically I didn’t need this new router. Clearly (somehow) the modem was the problem, and I replaced it, so we’re good. But I’ll deal with that tomorrow because I’ve had enough for today.

Next day, I’m refocused, reenergized, and ready to take on the world. So I hook the old router back up, and nothing. This can’t be real life. I officially don’t care anymore and just get to have a new router and modem I guess. Hooray me.

It was rather alarming how much this affected my life. I had a fancy light that I couldn’t turn off. At one point I couldn’t send a tweet. Can you imagine? Honestly it was a moment to kind of reevaluate how we even live around here. On the way to the hockey tournament, large child was imparting all kinds of wisdom on us: pyramids, the Civil War, etc. At one point he made some comment about cavemen being able to do other things and not having to worry about the internet. To which I told him cavemen don’t have cool shit. So where do I stand with the internet?

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