I saw a commercial for what appears to be a new seltzer product from Budweiser called “Bud Light Platinum Seltzer.” Not to be confused with “Bud Light Seltzer.” It made me think of this very funny tweet I randomly found on the internet.

Every time a new hard seltzer is released, an angel gets its wings.

— N as in Nick (@nickmillis) August 6, 2020

Real gold there.

Seriously though. I rarely even watch TV, and I can’t go a day without a seltzer commercial. I’ll be generous and say it’s every three weeks I see a new seltzer that was brought into this world. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Which makes me wonder what the fine folks at Bayer have been doing this whole time. These guys have owned the seltzer business for decades and are just sitting around getting run over by the likes of White Claw and Truly. It’s right there in your lap, but I guess I’ll do the legwork. I even worked with my in-house graphic designer to mock up a logo.

Alko-Seltzer. It’s game night. Eat all the buffalo wings and nachos you want. Knock back a few of these bad boys and you move on with the rest of your life. Change a letter, make billions. Bayer, I prefer to be contacted by email.