National Lampoon’s Planning a Vacation

I don’t really like talking about myself, so I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but I have some time off coming up soon. Surprisingly, what with my lack of taking time off and my inability to be an adult, I don’t have a ton of experience planning a trip.

In recent memory: went to a preseason Packer game and I had to pick a day to go to Noah’s Ark; went to Florida for a week and had to pick Disney or Universal; went to the College World Series in Omaha and had to find a moderately enjoyable hotel on the way in Iowa (that one was tough).

I am a notoriously fast learner, though. Maybe the fastest. So I have collected my findings and want to share my knowledge on planning the perfect vacation.

Location, Location, Location

Sometimes you have an event to plan around (College World Series), and sometimes you have literally nothing to plan around (this). If you’re just winging it, an important first step would be to pick where you’re going. I have it on good authority that starting with the hotel makes it nigh impossible to get any sort of itinerary going. Hand up on that one.

There are a few things you’ll want to consider when choosing your destination. Do you want to leave the state you live in, or nah? Nah? Then you’ll want to figure out the 3-4 areas in said state that people would voluntarily visit. From there, just pick one.

Hotels DOT COM!!!!

Remember when every other commercial was for some travel site? The good old days. Anyway. So now you can pick a hotel. Or maybe it’s a cabin. Or a Bed and Breakfast. Whatever floats your boat. What’s the vibe of the trip? Do you want to be downtown or off the beaten path? What amenities are important to you?

When you’re talking an anniversary, obviously you have to strike a balance between two people when you’re making these decisions. But it’s an anniversary, so I’ll be living the Suite Life of Zack & Cody. My only real asks were that it was unnecessarily expensive and it had an Amazon Echo. Check, and check.

There’s So Much Room for Activities

Especially during a pandemic, amiright? All that room, and nothing to do. I believe that’s what the youth call a “Catch-22.” But sometimes you just gotta make hay.

A little known fact about me is that I enjoy sports. So some kind of sporting event is usually at the center of our trips, or at the very least a high priority. “But Nick, I don’t give a shit about sports.” Cool, cool. Going to a minor league baseball game (I’ve typed the word “baseball” wrong literally every time I’ve typed it on this site, including right now) or a preseason football game are great experiences for families regardless of blind obsessions or lack thereof. That’s the Nick Millis Seal of Approval, so try it out!!!

Other fun things to do include…museums? Some sort of park? Umm, checking out the local sights? Yeah yeah sight seeing, that’s a good one. Checkout visit*insertcitynamehere*.com and you’ll find these and many other exciting Things To Do. In all seriousness I might go on a Segway tour, so stay tuned for that.

Get in my Belly!!!

Maybe the most important part of your trip will be the dining experience. This is an opportunity to get away from the takeout (delivery) that you’re used to at home, and try the takeout (delivery) from a whole new city. OK I’ve got nothing here. Just try something different and enjoy.

And there you have it. You now possess all of the tools of a seasoned veteran. So get out there and get to planning that next great vacation!!!!

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