My kids’ clothes are, without question, cooler than mine were when I was a kid. They just make different clothes now, but they are exactly what I wish I could’ve worn as a youth. Lightweight. Athletic clothes. Bright colors. Swooshes. Basically what I wear now, but like, cooler, you know? I am genuinely jealous of them.

However, there are plenty of things that I just don’t understand. Short shorts, for starters. My kids don’t wear them, because I still have full control of their wardrobe, but this is what is “in” nowadays. I hate it. Now let’s be clear. I don’t really care what other people wear, and I’m not even saying it looks bad. I just can’t fathom how that’s even remotely comfortable. Especially playing basketball (as I wrote that I could see how that might actually be better for sports, but I’m standing by it).

Speaking of uncomfortable clothes, let’s talk about pants. I don’t know about you, but I like to be able to move when I walk around. It’s surprising how important movement is to the ability to walk. I actually own a pair of jeans that are tight fit. They’re probably called fitted or something like that, honestly don’t know, but I had a promo code and figured what the hell. They’re even those new fangled, space age jeans that are stretchy and in theory aren’t as stiff as traditional jeans. That’s great. Except for the whole “these jeans are painted to my ass and thighs” factor.

All-in-all, I’m not a fan of tight clothes. Personal preference. It is what it is. But what really grinds my gears: tube socks. You might call them basketball socks. Crew socks maybe? In this house they’re simply long socks. My problem is like yoooo, do you know how long we had to exist in this world before ankle socks were invented? They literally weren’t a thing. I had to fold my socks down around my feet to make my own ankle socks!!! I can see rocking some Nike Elite basketball socks. At least they have some flare (see the first paragraph). But plain old white tube socks? High schoolers of America, be better. Let your ankles breath.