Local Athlete Has All of the Answers

Hey guys, stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Aaron Rodgers is guest hosting Jeopardy. I can’t imagine you already had this information, nobody is talking about it. Luckily you have me and my sources. And let me tell you, football Twitter was all aflutter over this clip yesterday. Truly hilarious if we’re being […]

Shredder’s Revenge and the Return of the Turtles

I’ve pontificated once or twice about my gaming prowess in the past, but these days my gaming is pretty much limited to 2048 on my phone. I have had very little desire to buy up the latest consoles over the years; I have no need for them and I care very little about my children’s […]

I’m a father with three kids

LeBron James said that one time. Actually it was twice. He also said he prefers that people don’t use disrespectful words towards him due to that fact. We have these things in common. Here’s a comprehensive list of things LeBron James and I have in common: three kids two sons and one daughter shouldn’t be […]

Will There Be A Fourth Stimulus Check?

No clue. I don’t even care, who even needs money? But I am a learned and cultured man, and I like to stay on top of current events. And these lame websites with their clickbait headlines get me every time. Piss off. I’m just trying to educate myself on the intricacies of the economy and […]

My plan for Gatorade to fend off it’s competitors

When I was but a wee lad, there was one sports drink to rule them all: Gatorade. It reigned supreme because it was the best. Also there wasn’t anything else. That helps. But as the years passed, the challengers rose. Powerade. Propel. Vitamin Water. Kwikade. Not to mention good old fashioned water. That’s just a […]

When is a $6 million home not worth $6 million?

My sister-in-law sent a text to me and my wife today. For once it wasn’t about her wedding. No, it was because of that house up there. More specifically, it was because of this. Not entirely sure why she thought I’d be interested in a mansion with hockey rink on the premises, but here we […]

Yo VIP, Let’s Kick It

This was in my drafts from many months ago. I don’t remember what inspired it, but does one really need a reason to share Vanilla Ice? No. This was easily my favorite song as a youth. My grandma taped his appearance on SNL for me. Like pre-DVR. With a VCR. There’s another video of me […]

Power Ranking the Winners of Top Chef

On Thursday April 1, 2021, the world’s greatest cooking competition returns. In honor of this glorious event, I will now rank the previous 17 winners. I used a complicated formula that included how much I liked them. 1. Richard Blais – Season 8 Look at that face. Genuine surprise even though he body bagged everyone. […]